THE AGE OF THE UGLY
JEALOUS AS FUCK
2010
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JEALOUS AS FUCK
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UNSATISFIED AND RELENTLESS, I WANT MORE FUCKING MORE!!!
AND I KEEP GOING THROUGH THIS!!!
TRAPPED AND TREADING WATER THAT KEEPS PULLING AND DRAGGING AND FUCKING GNAWING AT ME!!!
GOING UNDER AGAIN AND I CLING TO AN IDEA I THOUGHT I HAD... BUT CAN I REALLY EVER FUCKING ESCAPE THIS FUCKING PLACE IF I AM IN UTTERLY IN LOVE WITH THE FUCKING TORMENT IT BRINGS???
REMEMBER EINSTEIN'S QUOTE ON INSANITY, AND YET THE OBSERVATION PREDICTS THIS WILL NEVER FUCKING CHANGE!!!
HEAR THE GOD OF LOGIC STOMP HIS FEET AND THE DOG OF DISTRACTIONS PERSIST I PAY HER HOMAGE WITH BRIMSTONE AND FRESH BRUISES TO HER PELVIS!!!
BUT I MUST USE MY HEAD!!!
YOU WILL NEVER WIN AGAINST THE EGO OF MY OWN ANGER!!!
BUT I MUST BE SMARTER THAN THIS!!!
COUNTING BACKWARDS AND REREADING PAST PASSAGES OF OLD DIARIES CYNICAL THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY FIND ANOTHER ROUTE OTHER THAN THIS HIDEOUS DEPRAVITY AND SPIRALLING FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!
BUT I MUST SPIRAL OUT IN ANOTHER DIRECTION, JUST AN EVER SO SLIGHTLY NEW TANGENT THAT HASN'T BEEN BEATEN TO FUCKING DEATH BY MY AIMLESS FUCKING RAMBLINGS!!!
METAPHORS OF CAUSALITY-LOOPS AND MESSAGES SENT TO FUTURES PAST BUT RETURNING... WHILE I WEIGH THE ODDS AND BRIEFLY BELIEVE I AM IN FACT MOVING FORWARD...OR IS ALL THIS JUST THE SECOND GUESSING OF THE DOUBLE THINKING???
YES, I OVER-REACTED. YES, I MADE A MISTAKE. YES, I AM TRYING FUCKING HARD TO OUT THINK MYSELF!!!
SELF-COGNITIONS QUESTIONING GAINED PERSPECTIVE UPON MATURITY THAT I CAN'T TELL IF I HAVE GROWN INTO OR AM REPULSED BY...
BUT WHO AM I LYING TO HERE??? THE PAST: A DECEPTION??? THE FUTURE: A BLACKHOLE??? THE PRESENT: AN UGLINESS YOU COULD SCARCELY FUCKING IMAGINE!!!
I SEE YOU - BEGGING!!!
BUT DON'T KID YOURSELF - YOU HAVEN'T HARDLY SEEN THE SURFACE OF THIS FUCKING LUNACY!!!
IF I COULD, I WOULD LET YOU IN, JUST TO MAKE YOU FUCKING PAY FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAD NO FUCKING CLUE ABOUT!!!
BUT I'VE FUCKED YOUR STINKING HOLES BEFORE!!!
BEEN HERE BEFORE...
BUT I FIND THE THREATS AND CONFRONTATIONS PINNACLE!!!
BEATEN HERE BEFORE...
AND I'M FUCKING HERE AGAIN WONDERING WHAT THE FUCK FOR???
IT'S COS I'M A FUCKING SADIST!!!
I AM LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT THE DEVIL'S POTENTIAL MENTIONED TO ME... AND I KEEP LOOKING... BUT ALL I FIND ARE THINGS - UGLY!!!
PETTY AND PLENTIFUL, I WANT MORE FUCKING MORE!!!
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GET RAPED!!!
I'VE BEEN FAR TOO SYMPATHETIC.
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I SEE THEM ALL OVER YOU!!!
LIKE FLIES ON SHIT.
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OF COURSE I TAKE IT FUCKING PERSONALLY!!!
I DON'T NEED YOUR PERMISSION.
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REMEMBER WHO THE FUCK I AM!!!
I AM EVERYTHING UGLY IN THIS FUCKING WORLD.
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FUCK YOU, I OWE YOU NOTHING!!!
THIS IS MY CONDITIONAL LOVE FOR YOU.
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SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SUCK!!!
THEN DO ME A FAVOUR AND FUCK OFF.
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YOU LIKE THAT DON'T YOU, BITCH!!!
YOU TAKE IT UP THE ASS LIKE A PRO.
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YOUR SHAME IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!
I WOULD BETRAY MY OWN MOTHER WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT.
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REMEMBER WHEN YOU LOVED ME...
4 LETTERS.
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FREE FOR ALL!!!
TRUST THAT??? FUCK THAT!!!
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THE ONLY POWER I HAVE OVER YOU IS THE POWER TO CUT YOU OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE!!!
"DONT..."
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I HAVE TROUBLE WITH SOME THINGS.
AND IN TROUBLE WITH OTHERS.
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I WANT TO SEE YOU IN PAIN!!!
JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF.
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YOU'RE A FUCKING MEAT SANDWICH!!!
I WANT TO EAT YOU ALIVE!!!
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I'M ENJOYING IT AS LONG AS YOU ARE NOT!!!
IF YOU WANT TO THINK FOR ME THEN GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!
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YOU'RE NOT ONE IN A MILLION -
YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE!!!
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PITY-FUCK YOU!!!
YOU FUCKING DISGUST ME!!!
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PARANOID MUCH???
PERPETUATE YOUR OWN MISERY!!!
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GROW THE FUCK UP!!!
YOU GREW THE TITS SO GROW A BRAIN!!!
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WOMEN: IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM - THEN SODOMISE 'EM!!!
WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK YOU'RE SO FUCKING SPECIAL???
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YOUR FEAR WAS YOUR SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY!!!
AND NOW IT'S ALL COME TRUE.
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YES, THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED!!!
I HAVE FUCKED, LOVED AND FUCKED OVER MORE THAN JUST A FEW OF YOU FUCKING FEMALE HOMO SAPIENS!!!
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THERE ARE ANSWERS AND THERE ARE SECRETS.
ONLY SATAN KNOWS WHERE I KEEP THE BULLETS.
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PLENTY MORE TEENAGE CUNTS IN THE SEA!!!
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW FUCKING EASY IT IS TO REPLACE YOUR FUCKING ASS!!!
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THE DEVIL ALWAYS GETS HIS WAY... SOONER OR LATER...
DO YOU SMELL THE ALTRUISM SODOMISED???
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I DELUDE MYSELF THAT I CAN BE LOYAL.
BUT IN TRUTH I AM ABSOLUTELY TREACHEROUS!!!
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"THE DEVIL IS A BLACK DOG."
THE ANIMAL DEPENDS ON THE VICTIM I MAKE OUT OF YOU!!!
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MY IDLE HANDS MAKE THE DEVIL'S WORK LOOK BETTER AND BETTER!!!
YOUR DESECRATION MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME!!!
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YOUR TRUTH WILL NEVER SET YOU FREE!!!
YOUR WORLD OF CHILDREN TOO AFRAID TO MAKE A STAND ON ANYTHING, IS WHERE I PUT MY FUCKING FOOT DOWN!!!
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SHE SAW MY SOUL - AND IT WAS SHIT!!!
BUT SHE NEVER SAW MY KNIFE IN THE BACK OF HER FUCKING HEAD!!!
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THIS ISN'T ABOUT SEX - THIS IS ABOUT POWER!!!
THIS ISN'T ABOUT POWER - THIS IS ABOUT SEX!!!
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AND THE PENDULUM SWINGS BACK AGAIN!!!
AND YET SHE STILL LOVES ME - DESPITE -
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JEALOUS AS FUCK
YOU WILL NEVER SEE IT FROM MY FUCKING POINT OF VIEW, MOTHERFUCKER!!! SO DON'T EVER TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK I'M TRYING TO FUCKING SAY, CUNT!!!
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THE ARTIST
BERLIN, NOVEMBER 2010
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